27 weeks today!! We have made it to 27 weeks. Jay is such a clever little girl! Sorry, such a clever young woman!
I wake up feeling heaps better and am eager to get to the hospital. I get up, get showered, make sure JC has his breakfast and head off to the hospital. It is the weekend and Dee will be at home all day meaning I don’t have to worry about leaving JC for extended periods of time.
I arrive at the hospital and Jay is in bed. I have brought her clean clothes and underwear. She is clearly pleased to see me. Although she is having tightenings, there are no associated pains. It definitely looks good for 27 weeks and 1 day.
It is a boring day really. I am on my laptop and Jay is on her phone for most of the time I am there. We talk a bit, play a bit, eat a lot. This waiting game is taxing. Jay does not understand why she cannot go home now.
“You know why, Jay. You are a high risk pregnancy love. They can’t risk sending you home. You know it isn’t going to be long, it is just a matter of when.”
“Well, when is it going to be? I’m tired of waiting.” She sounds so fed up.
“I know love, but every day that passes that Baby C is in the womb, is a good day, it is better for him and also for you.”
“I know, but I am tired and bored.”
It is a less than ideal situation.
Dee arrives with JC. The woman opposite Jay has a very skimpy nightie on and I see JC dart a look in her direction. I place him in a chair with his back to her. He immediately pulls out his iPod and starts reading his Naruto fan fiction. I tell him to say hello to Jay. “Hi Jay.” That’s the social niceties over for him.
Dee chats to Jay. She is pleased to see her dad. “I haven’t had any sleep dad. The babies are so noisy and the mums are just as noisy.” She tells him of the one woman who was next to her who was admitted last night. This woman was the same age as Jay but further along in her pregnancy. The doctors had discovered a heart defect in her unborn baby and had informed the young woman that her baby would not survive. They had taken her off for an emergency c-section. It had upset Jay so much. “I cannot even think of losing the baby. I just can’t allow myself to think like that.”
Dee and I nod. It is something none of us can think about.
Em phones, he isn’t feeling well. Jay rightly advises him to stay at home to get better. We talk about him being ill and the very real possibility of him not being allowed into the labour ward if he has even a cold.
“So, what if I go into labour tonight,” Jay snaps, “they’re not going to allow him in?” She is irritated, petulant. A sign that she is still a teenager, despite what is happening to her.
“What can I tell you Jay? I want to shock you and say have him there, Jay, but then risk the baby dying.” I am irritated too. She just doesn’t get the seriousness of it. Why would she, she is only 19.
She glares at me. “Fine!” She starts to shut down. This is her way of letting me know she doesn’t want to talk about it any longer.
I sigh. “Jay, the baby will have no immune system at all. Even the common cold could kill it. I am sure that if we let them know that Em was feeling a bit ick today, they will swab him and take his temperature. If he is fine, they will let him in.” She nods. I want to shake her, to let her know that she cannot risk the baby even if Em misses the birth.
It is not my decision and I am angry at myself for feeling like this. Jay just wants him to be there, I understand that. I quickly calm down. After all, she is settled at the moment and may not in fact go into labour tonight or even for the next week. This spat is probably for nothing!
I leave for home early, Jay is fine and I think we need some space. Only a week into this and we are both grumpy and tired. I feel terrible for not being stronger, not being more in control. My eyes are scratchy on the way home, a sure sign of my tiredness.
Another day has passed and even though it is only a week in, I wonder how much longer we can all manage with the not knowing – the not knowing when he will be born and the not knowing how he will be when he is born.